Last weekend my family and I headed westward to enjoy an amusement park, Cedar Point, in Sandusky, Ohio. Having grown up in Sandusky, and practically living at Cedar Point (CP or the Point for us townies), I never really noticed the exceptions made to fashion etiquette and in this unique environment.
It makes sense that if you are having a family reunion you should all wear “Highlighter Green” shirts with your family’s name and year on it. This way while walking through the park, if you see someone you think you might be related to, you can instantly confirm bloodlines simply by looking at your brother’s shirt. Got it.
Another fashion-related anomaly I’ve only seen at CP is the flippant attitude people take when deciding what they should cover their torsos with. I understand that it gets rather warm at amusement parks and that sleeves are like mini heaters that create an almost unbearable sensation just above the elbow. The answer to this is obviously a Tank Top. I’m ok with this. Tank Tops are a recognized torso covering. They are “outerwear,” not “underwear.” As the name implies, underwear are meant to be worn under something. An undershirt is underwear. Be it a standard short-sleeved undershirt (breast pocket optional), one of those hipster v-necks, or the wife-beater, undershirts go under shirts.
Not at CP, nope. The undershirt has run amuk! Fat guys, skinny guys, young guys, old guys, even a few ladies (presumably) were sporting these things as if they were standard issue at the front gate. Under no circumstance is this ok. Tubby folk (like myself) have no business in these things. Look, I don’t want to see your bellybutton dent flopping around as you choke down your chilli fries. Ok? The skinny just look weird, like they were given something to wear out of their older brother’s closet. And as for the people who physically aren’t an aesthetic abomination, well I’m jealous and you’re just showing off. Put a shirt on.
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